SHORT STORIES by HARTMANN

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Monday Flash Fiction

No Wheels, No Whip, No Service

I am Devotee

I am Superman

I AM SUPERMAN

I’ve been watching her.

Truth be told, I’ve had my eye on her ever since she moseyed her fine-looking ass through the door. Which I realize sounds pretty damn suspect, but hey, what the hell did you expect me to do?

She’s the one who started it.

From the very first moment that she sat down across from Asshole, she zeroed in on me with the precision of a sniper scope. Hell, I could practically sense the laser sight – you know, that red dot? – aimed right between my eyes.

Direct headshot.

As for Asshole? Well, I’m guessing that he’s actually her ivy-league boyfriend. But it’s blatantly clear that he’s also an asshole.

Trust me, I know my assholes.

NO WHEELS, NO WHIP, NO SERVICE

It was a dark and stormy night.

That’s the ultimate cliché of melodramatic literature. And yet...

It really is a dark and stormy night.

Another flash of lightning illuminates the dreary night sky and a crash of thunder follows suit moments later, shaking the ground beneath my feet.  

As the relentless wind whips viciously - angry lashes against my delicate skin, born from passion, unthinking, uninhibited, in the heat of the moment - I firmly brush aside the wet hair that is plastered to my face.

I’ve come for you.

I AM DEVOTEE

What I really wanted to do was jam the damn thing into his eye.

“Quit staring.”

Maybe I would just snap it in two and take out both of his pretty little eyeballs in one fell swoop.

“You’re being a creep again.”

Okay. What I really, really wanted to do was repeatedly stab his retinas to shit, throw my scalding hot coffee in his generically handsome face, and call it a night. But that would be a such waste of five dollars.