I’m dating the most gorgeous girl in
the world. Her name is Kelsey and she
looks like a supermodel. I guarantee
every guy in this restaurant is staring at her, thinking about how they’d love
to fuck her. But she’s with me—sitting across from me, staring into my eyes, that playful smile on her lips.
“You were right, Alex,” she says as
she grabs my hand across the table. “The
mussels here are fantastic.”
“Told you so.”
Kelsey’s smile widens. “I love
dating a foodie.”
I’m not a foodie, whatever the fuck
that is. But I’ve got money and
influence, so I know how to get into the best restaurants in town. My name opens doors. I can show Kelsey the
best clubs in the city and take her out for expensive meals. I can get tickets to the shows that have been
sold out for months.
I can do all those things. But the list of things I can’t do is probably a little more relevant:
I can’t walk.
I can’t even fucking stand.
Oh yeah. And I can’t fuck Kelsey. That too.
